"The next thing I know I'm curled up like a ball and I'm repeatedly being punched" Benda Mariah shares with us her story of domestic violence

My name is Benda. I was physically abused by my boyfriend. It used to be really hard for me to talk about my past relationship. I always felt really embarrassed and some times sad. When I talk about being physically and more so mentally abused by my ex-boyfriend, people always seem to feel uncomfortable or even nervous. I sometimes get the feeling that they expect me to be ashamed of the situation. Even if that's what they wanted, me to feel shame, I wouldn't.
This is how it happened.
It was the first time things got physically violent. We were laying in his bed and the lights were off. We were having an actual argument but were dealing with it in a flirtatious sort of a fight. He said something to me and I hit him. I meant to hit him softly but I couldn't see anything since the lights were off and he was closer than I thought. I hit him really hard in the head and it sounded like it hurt. It sounded like it hurt bad
I hit him, gasp and immediately apologize. The next thing I know, I'm curled up in a ball and I'm repeatedly being punched. He's punching me really hard like I'm literally a punching bag. He's like a little boy having a tantrum and I'm the pillow he's punching to take out all his anger. I'm curled up in a ball for I don't know how long but I remember wondering when it would end. The entire time I'm frozen and I'm screaming "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." When he finally does stop, he turns on the light. I run out of the room and sob myself to sleep on the couch. I'm crying not because it hurt(even though it did. The bruise covered my entire hip and I couldn't sleep on it for two weeks). I was crying because I had realized what had happened. I realized what was happening and I couldn't believe it was happening to me. He scared me. There were far scarier things that happened but I won't mention them because I know it'll make some people uncomfortable. I was abused. Don't blame the victim.
I still think about him but it doesn't make me sad any more and I haven't gotten the urge to contact him for a while. I walk around naked sometimes because there's no one here to watch me and my body doesn't disgust me anymore. Sometimes I catch myself looking in the mirror a little longer than normal and every once in a while I'll say something to my reflection. You might have to live alone to understand. I talk to myself silently and out loud and half of my thoughts make me burst out in hysterical laughter. I've become my own best friend. And as vein as it might sound I have fallen completely head over heels in love with myself. I don't want to be single. I think it would be nice to pay attention to one single person and have that single person pay all their attention to me.
People think I'm damaged but I feel so much stronger. Our relationship changed me in so many different ways and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

That was Benda Mariah share with us on her story of domestic violence. An abuser does not care who he abuses. It is more heartbreaking when you are abused by one who should protect you.
We are glad she got over it and has her life back.
Let's say no to domestic violence, sexual abuse and other related ills.
Are you a survivor or a victim of this ill? Your are not alone. Why not let yourself heal. Share your story and let others heal from it
If you want to share you can link us on our facebook page @Sussysblog.
If you enjoyed this article please drop a comment in the comment box.
Thank you

Comments

Tony Anenih looses son as son slumps

Eugene , a son of a former Peoples Democratic Party Board of Trustees Chairman , Chief Tony Anenih , has been reported dead . It was gathered that Eugene slumped and died while playing lawn tennis on Sunday in a Lagos club. Medical sources linked his death to heart attack . The death of Anenih’ s son came less than a month after the deceased ’ s mother died in April. Efforts to reach him for comments at about 8 . 45 pm on Sunday were unsuccessful. But a source close to the family confirmed the incident . The source , however , declined to give details about the circumstances surrounding Eugene ’ s death . When contacted , the Edo State Chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party , Chief Dan Orbih, who also confirmed the development , noted that the party would make an official statement soon. “ The thing ( incident ) just happened . We will be making a statement , maybe, tomorrow , ” Orbih added . The deceased was , until his death , the Managing Director /Chief Executive Officer ...

NEWS FLASH:Osinbajo arrives Katsina

Acting President Professor Yemi Osinbajo has arrived Katsina to attend the launching of the pilot edition of Micro Small and Medium Enterprises MSME clinic holding in the state. Osinbajo arrived on Thursday at the Umaru Musa Yaradua International airport at about 11.15 am and was received by Governor Aminu Masari, Emir of Daura Umar Faruk, DG SMEDAN Dikko Radda and other top government dignataries. After, salutations, Osinbajo and his entourage proceeded to the emir of Katsina's palace at Kofar Soro for royal homage. Details later.... Culled from Daily Trust

ALL IT TAKES (The premiere episode)

Helen was at the back of her house tending in a little garden she had made and tending her pumpkin seedlings as has become her morning and evening routine. For a retiree like her, hobbies like this is one of what keeps one going. The evening was chill and the neighborhood was rather quiet. Helen thought it could be that most people aren't back from their day's activities yet. They lived in a neighborhood where you mind your business and face your gate. The only sounds you hear from around were the sounds of car horns when they got back from work in the evenings and when they left in the mornings. Helen heard the door of the refrigerator in the kitchen slammed. Sophie must have woken up she thought. "Mummy good evening " the voice was not Sophie's but that of her elder daughter Evie. "Oh... i thought it was your sister" she rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand "you're early today" Evie stood by the door that led to the b...

TRESPASS (Part One)

The rain poured down with a heavy rush against the roof of the bus and the sound deafened. I took a quick glance at my time piece again making it the tenth time I had done that in the past 5 minutes. The conductor in the bus kept staring at me with what looked like a smile. Did he think I was in the mood for small talks? If he had known how much I was looking for someone to slap on the face that very minute. I'm in the middle of nowhere stuck in a bus that wouldn't move because of the rain and in a state I had never been to before. Who smiles in such a situation? I was supposed to be in Enugu, in my Aunt's house by that time but some how I still found myself in that bus. I had not even started the journey to Enugu. It was all because of this ajayi hang out that I did. And now calls wouldn't leave my phone.. calls I would not pick. I live in Awka with my parents and siblings. My Dad had just gotten a new job and so we had to relocate to Awka. I had just come back ho...

Kaduna Electric Apologises To Consumers Over Network Challenges

The Management of Kaduna Electricity Distribution Company has tendered it's unreserved apologies to it’s pre-paid meter customers over the difficulty currently being faced in re-charging their meters attributing it to network challenges. A statement by the head, corporate communication of the company, Abdulazeez Abdullahi said the ICT department of the company in conjunction with it service providers are tirelessly working to rectify the problem, promising that the challenge shall be overcomed in due course. He apologised to the affected customers, assuring that “the company is deeply concerned about the difficulty our customers pass through while trying to re-charge their meters, just as we are doing everything possible to overcome the challenges. “We assure all concerned that everything will be alright in due course. “We sincerely regret the inconveniences caused our customers while appealing for your understanding and patience.” Report a problem.

Opata Sussan

Search This Blog